wildaspie

There are different elements or facets in relationships that require trust. Perhaps one of the most vital and least recognized is the trust it takes to be able to let go and vent when one is in a state of high emotion.

To be able to let go and speak freely – or act freely – in times of high emotion is a gift that can be given to those one cares about. But first the person has to be able to trust that the listener will be able to simply listen without judgment or reacting defensively (and certainly not reacting offensively).

For as long as I can remember, other people have considered me to be a good listener, and felt comfortable, even on short acquaintance, to exhibit that level of trust in me. And I am pleased to say I have yet to let anyone down in that regard. It’s not always easy, to be sure – sometimes reactions rise quick, or advice presses itself to be voiced when no advice was asked for. But I have never been afraid of challenge, and I appreciate that those I care about trust me so much.

In truth, I also gain from these seemingly one-sided expressions; which each exercise of trust I am reminded that I do indeed have the strength and resolve to be there for those who need me, no matter how I may doubt myself. They can see my strength when I might feel weak, and rely on me when I feel I cannot trust myself.

I just don’t have enough time in a day for everything I want to be able to do.  If there were just a few more hours, maybe 10, that would be great.

I end up in a cycle: I push myself, then get exhausted and fall behind, then push myself harder to catch up.  I have been trying to simplify and just do those things I know are most important to me, but one of the problems I have is that everything seems important.

Maybe I just don’t know how to prioritize.  I think I do, but if I can’t manage all my projects (which there really aren’t that many of), then maybe I don’t.  It wouldn’t be the first time I thought I understood the meaning of a word and found out everyone else had a different understanding of it …

My bff and fwb both tell me I am trying to do too much.  Even my neighbor laments the plight of the American Mom: we’re expected to raise children, manage homes, work, and still find time for relationships and self-enrichment.  And just wanting to be able to do it all isn’t enough.  So I have learned.

Today was really an awesome day. It started out pretty rough, as I tried to get the template for my other blog to behave how I wanted it to. I had found the “perfect” template at a free gallery, but made the mistake of choosing one developed by some one whose first language was Portugese. so the comments were not in English, and a lot of what I needed to do was hit and miss, trial and error.

But finally I got it fixed, and even managed to make it better than what I had first intended. And I was so pleased with myself I danced around the house, singing silly songs about how mad my coding skills are.

Then I went grocery shopping with the neighbor, and it turns out she needs help with some homework, which is well within my realm of experience. So I will be able to put some of my otherwise languishing administrative skills to use, which is a nice thing to look forward to. She also mentioned a job she will be starting soon, and there might be an opening for me as well. So that’s pretty cool too.

But better still, we got the tax return much sooner than I expected. It’s such a nice surprise when looking at the bank account to see more money than anticipated instead of less!

But best of all, I get to end the evening chatting with my technomancer hawttie.

So today is an awesome day. Just awesome.