Jan 25 2009
Pondering Polyamory
My Husband and I have been married for fourteen years. There were some very rough times – which, I suppose, can only be expected when getting married as young as I was. Although in many ways I was more mature than the average 19 year old, in others I still had a lot of growing up to do.
But we got through the bad times just as we got through the good ones – together. And that is something we have that many of our contemporaries do not. My Love’s parents divorced when he was young, but my parents are still married, so we have in the family an example of each path, the positives and negatives of each choice. It is beyond me to decide which is harder on the couple and the children – all I know is that each relationship has something to teach us.
After much discussion and thought, we came to the realization that monogamy is not something we need in our marriage. I cannot speak to how others arrive at their decisions; only that we had matured enough and lived enough to know that our marriage is strong, and that for either of us to discover love outside our marriage poses no risk to our commitment to each other.
And, having determined this, the irony: having the luck or blessing or fate to have found each other and recognized in each other the completion of who we are – the discovery of our undeniable soul-mate – who else in this world can come close to that perfection of connection?
We have dated, each of us, outside the marriage; but these relationships were barely worthy of “secondary” status. In most cases, they served only to reinforce how lucky, or blessed, we are to have each other.
the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence
Actually, it isn’t, and I made exactly that point. I can’t help but think if you had read the entire post you wouldn’t have made such an inane comment. Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment, though.
I can’t imagine ever doing this, but I definitely support the right of two consenting adults to decide what is right for them! Sometimes if you don’t go out on a limb and make choices like this if they are right for you, you could feel stifled and it could mess things up even more.
Thanks, Madrigalblue, both for taking the time to comment and your words of support. It certainly seems true that fidelity issues plague many couples, and maybe there would be less of those problems if people were more open to considering alternatives. Many might find, as we did, that opening the relationship brings them closer instead of driving them apart.
Dear Wildaspie, my wife of 37 years and I are polyamorous. Is can and does work for many people. Finding others to include in our lives has not been easy, LOL. I wanted a boyfriend and tried dating sites and parties and blind want ads on Criagslist. NOTHING. Idiots for the most part. Finally a met a friend of a friend and WOW!. I totally agree, being poly has actually brought us MUCH closer together and we find real joy in each others fun relationships. Enjoy! BTW, if you want a “how-to” handbook, check out “Ethical Slut”