wildaspie

There are different elements or facets in relationships that require trust. Perhaps one of the most vital and least recognized is the trust it takes to be able to let go and vent when one is in a state of high emotion.

To be able to let go and speak freely – or act freely – in times of high emotion is a gift that can be given to those one cares about. But first the person has to be able to trust that the listener will be able to simply listen without judgment or reacting defensively (and certainly not reacting offensively).

For as long as I can remember, other people have considered me to be a good listener, and felt comfortable, even on short acquaintance, to exhibit that level of trust in me. And I am pleased to say I have yet to let anyone down in that regard. It’s not always easy, to be sure – sometimes reactions rise quick, or advice presses itself to be voiced when no advice was asked for. But I have never been afraid of challenge, and I appreciate that those I care about trust me so much.

In truth, I also gain from these seemingly one-sided expressions; which each exercise of trust I am reminded that I do indeed have the strength and resolve to be there for those who need me, no matter how I may doubt myself. They can see my strength when I might feel weak, and rely on me when I feel I cannot trust myself.

Just had a cross exchange with my eldest daughter Rose …

Rose has a near-addiction for an online game site.  She’s generally a responsible kid, but when it comes to this particular habit, she’s got no control at all.

I’ve spoken with her repeatedly about the fact that my evening medications make me very drowsy, and I need her to be especially conscientious about not taking advantage if I fall asleep before dragging her away from the computer for the night.  And usually she is.

But over the weekend, she not only took advantage, she flaunted it to her online pals.  When we checked her online activity and saw this, my Husband grounded her from the computer, and also banned her from that site indefinitely.

So the last couple of days she’s been sulking in bed (not that she’s really suffering: she has her books, Japanese tapes, drawing stuff, and mp3 player) and refusing to be in the same room with her dad except for meals.

But she comes in while I’m working and pouts, “Non-violent protest doesn’t work when no one cares!”

I pointed out she made a bad choice and is now dealing with the consequences.  Too bad.  And of course, the more I talked, the stormier and scowlier she got, until she stomped off back to bed.

I am soooo not a drama-mama.  But, hey, it’s Monday; what else could I have expected?

We found each other last autumn.

It’s simple enough to say I have never met anyone like him.  But that is deceptively simple.

We have a lot in common, and are similar in many ways.  And in another person, those similarities would probably cause problems: many times I have found that when some one shares certain personality traits with me, there is no room for give-and-take.  Those very similarities force distance rather than forging closeness.

Perhaps it is the difference in our ages that makes it possible for me to overcome that potential pitfall.  I have always dated older (sometimes very much older) than myself, in part because I am drawn to the wisdom and self-assurance that comes with age and experience.  But “my” technopunk T is younger than me, which puts me in the rare position of being the older, maybe wiser one.

Although he modestly self-depreciates his intellect, he has that same spark of brilliance I can’t help but respond to; his skill with computers is intuitive to the point of technomancy.  He pursues knowledge and reads as voraciously as I do – and despite our affection for each other he never lets me get away with sloppy logic or compromises his own point of view simply to be “nice.”

Neither of us has any interest in the pabulum of pointless social prattle.  Sometimes we spend hours in discussion, ranging widely in topic and tone; other times we simply “hang out,” each of us mostly focused on our own projects but keeping communication open, even if it is mostly an exchange of smiles capped by hugs goodnight.

And sometimes, there are the intense, sweet interludes of physical affection.  All this is more than I could have ever hoped for in a friend and lover; and yet, I am further blessed by the fact that he is – to use the vernacular – damn hawt.

I try not to think too much about it in general … I am just thankful each day to have a friend like him, and thankful too when we can be “friends with benefits” … Now and then I do find myself contemplating a future wherein he has come to join my family, and somehow I manage to cheat the odds again and have a happily ever after with two wonderful men and my children.  But those thoughts are always brief, and fleeting.

If nothing else, I have learned that the fastest way to ruin happiness is to overthink it.